an oldie but goodie

I wrote this some time ago, but as I am trying to resurrect my muse it’s nice to go back through things I’ve written. Especially old things, because the wound is healed and I can appreciate it for what it is, rather than hating it for what it’s not…

missing you

your absence is substantial
physical and
not absence
material
negative space defining
outlining
tracing a place that is you and
love

 

aglio e olio & amore

I started my weekend so hungover that I didn’t think I would get anything done, and yet I made some more progress on my client’s Hollywood film strip wall (forgot to take a picture of the latest logo), finished a personal piece of art, and (co)made a fabulous dinner last night!

Let me back up and assure you that I didn’t deserve to be as hungover as I was. I really didn’t drink a whole lot (for me), I ate plenty of food (as if there’s ever any doubt of that), and drank a lot of water (again, for me)… So what the heck went wrong? I was practically bed ridden the next day! I mean, WTF? Is this because I’m almost 30? Is this the beginning of the end?

Don’t answer that…


So this is called “Love Potion,” I decided this morning. And just for fun, I actually have a recipe, which ties into some of the concepts and imagery I have in the piece.

-a dream wrapped in old newspaper
-countless wine soaked memories
-a real fake engagement ring
-a pinch of heartstrings
-pearls of orgasm, to taste

directions: mix gently with your eyes closed, until bubbling, bursting and fragrant…always seal with a kiss.

How cute, right? I amuse myself, haha! I actually really like this painting, even if parts of it are awkward and messy. I’m awkward and messy. More and more I find myself looking for areas of imperfection, or where I can see paint built up or smudged or something. It tells a story, sometimes coinciding with the theme of the piece itself — when I’m lucky. And in this case, I think I was.

And now for a REAL recipe! Baby and I make this all the time. It is the simplest, tastiest dinner and I canNOT get enough, ever. Adapted from a Barefoot Contessa recipe, which I’m ashamed to admit but damn that bitch makes some good food.

Aglio e Olio with Angel Hair

Ingredients

1 lb dried angel hair pasta (or whatever you want. it’s all the same.)
8-10 cloves of garlic (depending on size…I always add more if I have those stupid skinny cloves.)
1/3 cup olive oil (your favorite…Ina calls for ‘good’ stuff, but she says that about everything. it’s basically your main flavor though, so not Kroger brand would be my suggestion.)
1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes (less if you don’t like spicy — like 1/4 would be better if you’re worried about it)
1/2 cup fresh parsley, minced
1 cup grated parmesan (plus more, because cheese) (yes that’s the end of that statement)
wine, if you have it
SALT (seriously)

Directions

So get your water going early for the pasta, because you need reserved pasta water for the “sauce” in this. Add two tablespoons of salt (I know. trust me.) and bring to boil, cook noodles to package instructions, yada yada. You get this part. The point is, before you strain the pasta and set it aside, you need 1 1/2 cups of that pasta water. Now, while this is going on, my husband likes to add the olive oil to a skillet with the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook it on low while we make the pasta. We think it brings out the garlicky flavor more in the oil. Who knows. Then when it gets to the point that you’re almost done with the pasta, we raise the heat on the skillet and cook the garlic until it’s just starting to get golden. Do not burn the garlic. It will be sad for everyone. Then add the pasta water and a little wine if you have it (this isn’t traditional, just something I do because I like wine. surprise.) Also add a teaspoon of salt (not a low sodium dish). Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and let it reduce by a third. I have a terrible eye for this reducing business, so I usually just call it good when I am too hungry for the simmering to go on any longer. Add your pasta, parsley and parmesan, tossing it all together. You want the pasta well coated with a little of everything. To serve, top it with some more parm and parsley.


SO GOOD.

(Have you guys noticed that the only recipes I put up are some variation of pasta and cheese…?)

The struggle is real

Dear future tattoo artist,

I’m looking for a portrait of my soul
Something to show on the outside what I am within
Just a snapshot
You know, a thumbnail
Because I have a feeling that I, too, am small
But rich
Like perhaps a truffle
A little is enough

Or am I more like a butterfly?
Dainty and delicate
With zen doodled wings of color to save myself from predators
But ultimately prey to a strong wind

Like a feather
A beautiful, magical, left-behind thing
(Or are they just lost…?)

Hmm, so how about a bell?
A big wound and a heart
That rattles around, falling into walls
Tumbling and tinkling
Sometimes just suspended there
Waiting to be struck

What about orchids?
I love orchids
Everyone loves orchids…
So then again, maybe not

What else, future tattoo artist?
Music notes or stars?
Pretty script and symbolism and twirly-do’s?

Maybe just vines…

Ugh

I feel like I’m trying to tie a cherry stem with my tongue
A solitary challenge
How can you help me with this knot?

Signed,
Truly interested (but…)

some kind of madness

Dear Coleymojo,

I’m sorry it has taken me 20 years to write you…but I only just now realized. Today is the worst day of your life. I don’t know how to sugarcoat it for you…but think of it this way. It’s over. You did it. And I can promise you that you live to be 29 at least (I know how much you worry about dying), so there’s that. Unfortunately a lot of bad things will continue to happen to you, and all around you, and you will have many, many more bad days. But this is the very most anyone or anything can ever hurt you again. It will take you 20 years to heal from it, and the scar may be there forever. But it’s true what they say. In time, it will get better.

So here’s the hard part. No, she doesn’t love you like you love her. No, you won’t be together forever. And all of the dreams that you two shared, yes, she took them with her. Neither of you will end up where you expect, but she will come close. Closer than you. But I’m not telling you any of this to hurt you — no one knows better than I do just how much hearing that hurts. But it’s true. And you know what?

It’s okay.

Reread that a thousand times if you need to, because it’s 100% true. You two always had different paths and this was the first big step in your new direction. So you have a choice. You can watch her and hers every step of the way and get jealous, bitter, and resentful…from now until whenever it takes you to stop caring — and it WILL happen, so discreetly one day that you won’t even be able to pinpoint when. Or you can believe me right now when I say that you, Coleymojo…you. are. amazing. all on your own and you don’t need her. You don’t need to care one little bit about what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with, where she goes, what she does…nothing. What you two had and shared was very special, and everyone knew it. But YOU were exactly 1/2 of what made that relationship so special. It wasn’t just Ranma.

Look, you two may have a lot in common, but that doesn’t make you the same. Don’t think for one more day that you have to be like her, or anyone else for that matter. And when it seems like things are so much easier for her and for others, know that you’re right. It is. You were dealt a rough hand, and you get through it and you make it out ahead, girl, by leaps and bounds. And your future self is so loved and admired by so many people. But you won’t believe any of them if you can’t let her go.

I know you’re lonely — but there are people you haven’t met yet who will fill your heart up again. I know you’re afraid that you will never be able to do the things you girls planned together on your own. Well, you could if you wanted to, but you will change your mind a million times about just what you want to do in life and at some point you will realize what I’m beginning to…that life isn’t really about those big, important moments that are awarded trophies and accolades and applause. It’s a lot of quiet, private things that will make you happy one day…just like you had with her, but bigger and better and for REAL.

For real, for real. I know how you need to hear that.

I love you. A lot of people do. More and more will come to you when others leave. Sometimes you will leave them. But right now you are learning how the process works for the first time, and you won’t like to hear this, but you don’t know everything. Listen to them.

Listen to me.

XOXO

Coleymojo 2.0