if it wasn’t for bad luck…

I finally did it. I sold a painting. Two, actually. The first was an old, angsty piece from a long time ago:

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And the other was specifically commissioned for by the customer:

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I could hardly contain myself, I was so excited. Cloud nine. You’ll notice I say this in the past tense, as in, not anymore. Because I have the shittiest luck…

In a blur I went to the mail center to ship to my customer. I was so anxious, I had never shipped a painting before and it felt a little like I imagine parents feel when they take their kids to day care for the first time. I balked at the price — $50 to ship them to Illinois. But I didn’t ask questions, I just paid and said goodbye.

All week I thought about them. Would the package hold up? Would the customer like them as much in person?

Well, the paintings never showed up. Fedex says they were delivered but my customer does not have them. They have until Wednesday to recover them, and if they don’t I have to file a claim. I didn’t think to add signature service — they didn’t ask me and I’ve never done this before.

So two fragments of my heart are lost in the world…and I have to give the customer something. I am repainting them, which is a grueling process. It’s like trying to relive a moment in perfect clarity. I finished one:

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It doesn’t look as good as my original, but the concept is there. I don’t know if I’m just so disappointed that I can’t be happy about replicating it…

Has this happened to anyone before? It’s a first for me…I didn’t even consider it as a possibility.

 

Morning thoughts

I wanted to free paint this morning, and I ended up with a weird piece of art. It wouldn’t be coleymojo without being weird, right? I still have this lingering feeling that I haven’t found my perfect medium and that acrylics aren’t really my thing…but who knows. Maybe I will try watercolors, because I used a lot of water in this piece and it was actually fun.

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The next piece came to me in a counseling session, talking about my bitter disappointment about (not getting) theater roles. I equated it to sand in my shoe, but that wasn’t quite right. It digs deeper than that, aches more and really kind of hurts. Like walking in high heels — that was a better analogy. Going on like nothing is wrong, and no one can see your pain…until you’re hobbling around like a wounded gazelle, that is. Anyway, that was my inspiration. I’m not really happy with the color scheme, but it is what it is.

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my subscription is up

and I am torn about renewing it. I haven’t been blogging lately. I think about it a lot though. Sometimes I guess I just don’t have anything to say. I’m often the quiet one in groups, and it’s not because I’m not having a good time. I’m just taking everything in.

Here’s a painting I fixed tonight. I say fixed because it used to look completely different and I hated it. Now I love it. I think it’s called Butterfly Kisses, if it must have a title.

Butterfly Kisses So I have been experimenting with this same sort of brush movement and I really like it. It’s labor intensive though, and does actually seem to work better on top of a layer of paint. I think I’ll continue to use it in future paintings.

Blahness

I don’t know why this blog is so difficult to maintain. It’s like it doesn’t write itself or something.

I could hash out all the ways my life got complicated in recent weeks, but that would be boring and uninspiring…and I need a little inspiration today. But then again I have all the tools to help myself, so maybe what I really need is motivation. You know what, I don’t know what I need. It’s a weird day.

What I’m not feeling is particularly artistic or creative…which is what this blog is all about – creativity. Sure, I’ve done some paintings…but I’m not especially happy with them and I have no exciting projects on the horizon. I’m feeling a bit like a fraud, actually… Like I’m not really an artist, not really talented… I know this is all just negative self-talk, but it’s constant and all-consuming and I don’t really have the energy to battle it out today. I feel like I’ve been tired for weeks.

Anyway, enough of all that. Here is a piece I did that I’m feeling blah about.


Some medical issues have put a stop to my work for clients for the time being, so I don’t have much to report on that front. And…that’s all for now, I guess!

The jungle continues

Whew! This project is bigger than I thought it was going to be! But I finally have all the greenery filled in, the next step will be the animals (parrots, monkeys and a tiger).


In other news, I see my doctor today and I’m going to ask him about something that has been bothering me a lot lately… my shaking hands (probably a side effect from the medication I’m on). Sometimes it’s so intense I have trouble gripping things, and it’s definitely embarrassing when I get nervous and my hands are shaking so hard it’s apparent to whoever is around me. It also makes painting fine details challenging. I googled what to do about shaking hands and everything said to stop being so anxious (I’m paraphrasing), which isn’t really an option for me. Unfortunately, anxiety is part of my life forever, I think…

So we will see. Wish me luck!

New adventures

So it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy! I started working with a new client on a mural – a jungle scene in his bathroom. Here are the first round of photos – still plenty of work to be done…


This was somewhat challenging as jungles are all about depth and layers, which is hard to portray on a flat surface…especially in a bathroom with varying heights and widths to the walls. But I enjoyed myself and I look forward to continuing to build and expand this vision! It’s also very nerve wracking as I paint things I’ve never attempted before – like tigers and parrots. But if you don’t explore, you’ll never discover, right?

sometimes weird art

Sometimes, all I’m capable of is weird art. It begins with a concept that’s more of a feeling than anything else. Then I attach color and shapes to that, and then I try to put it all on the canvas. I would tell you that I’m usually between 30-60% successful. I’ve never had a piece of art turn out exactly how I pictured. Sometimes I like it anyway, and sometimes I am seconds away from painting over it. Or both.

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Right now it’s both.