Is it something I lack? Something I want back? I’m rolling in poison, not feeling the joys in life. Only strife. Struggling to be a good wife, but it’s all gone south, twisted in my mouth, and aching! Ever aching. I’m always fucking shaking while they go on dancing, further enhancing this hate, this gash, the falling ash from a burning heart.
It’s time to start moving on, but ever strong is this jealous limb within my mind.
Why do I do this to myself? Risking heart and health to feed my vanity — one more plastic tragedy has me reeling, just like peeling the flesh to find it’s rotten inside.
This doodle might grow up and be a painting, but we can’t really know for sure until it does evolve (ha, Pokemon joke!) And it’s a selfish, completely ME sort of work…
No really, it’s a few of my favorite things.
This has been a shitty year. Right now I am literally dealing with a post surgery wound, a still fresh mental diagnosis, a bite plate (see also: giant hunk of plastic in one’s face), 40 extra pounds, a creativity crisis AND I’m going to turn 30 any day now (see also: April 10th). There’s also a rash somewhere we won’t talk about. All this coming off the heels of leaving a really glamorous, high paying job to a safe, Anne Hathaway at the start of Devil Wears Prada sort of position that I love but doesn’t pay my exuberant credit card bills. And then I find out the local theater is doing my favorite musical and due to all this and more (see also: not skinny or blonde or young enough), I won’t be a part of it.
It’s the Sound of freaking Music. And as I was stewing in all this, wondering why I like the simple, outdated, cliche…totally nostalgic, heartfelt show so much, dwelling on how I can’t be a part of it and that sucks, blah blah blah and it occurs to me… There’s a song in there that I know SO well…and duh. This is exactly what it’s for. (Cue corny musical chord.) Now I don’t know about schnitzel with noodles, but I do know that owls and watermelon and mushrooms and wine and Jason and nail polish and Pikachu and so on are my favorite things.
So the plan is to paint this, maybe in a classier color scheme and certainly with more saturation. If I can’t sing it I’ll paint it and… And then I (hopefully) don’t feel so bad.