Is it something I lack? Something I want back? I’m rolling in poison, not feeling the joys in life. Only strife. Struggling to be a good wife, but it’s all gone south, twisted in my mouth, and aching! Ever aching. I’m always fucking shaking while they go on dancing, further enhancing this hate, this gash, the falling ash from a burning heart.

It’s time to start moving on, but ever strong is this jealous limb within my mind.

of soups and songs

So I went to a local singer/songwriter’s festival and came home thinking “I could do that.” Kind of like when I thought I could be British after watching Spice World. I was a kid, but yeah.

Anyway. I did in fact write a poem that I intend to be song lyrics. And somehow, between my VERY limited, laughable knowledge of piano, guitar, and 4th grade recorder, I will write a song. I can sing, so in the very least I can make a melody and then force someone with more musical talent to assist me.

That, and the poem itself are works in progress, but here…

Broken Thoughts

Don’t you worry for me
I’m getting up, I’m going out
I’m functioning
Just a little armageddon stain about me

Back and broken
Put your lover to bed
Let the pill feed the spiders in her head
And if at morning
I’m not sorry and there’s
Darkness swallowing me whole
Don’t you worry
Let the pill lick away the sour in my soul

I’m going out, I’m looking in
I’m suffering
Ghosts and demons steal art and stories
In my dreams

Back and broken
Darling, put your lover to bed
Let the pill feed the spiders in her head
And if at morning
I’m not sorry and I’m
Melting into darkness after the bloodshed

Don’t you worry for me
Let the pill feed the spiders in her head

edit: this is obviously not a Top 40 kind of song.

Also, I recently had my lower braces put on along with a medieval torture device known as a bite plate. This is a plasticy sort of thing the size of a wad of Bubblicious gum behind my front teeth, keeping me from biting closed and actually touching my teeth. So I don’t eat anymore (exaggeration). Since I am a fat kid and do need delicious food, always, no exceptions…I made some soup!

Spinach and Goat Cheese Bisque

Adapted from an Eating well recipe


1 1/4 lbs fresh spinach
1 yukon gold potato, peeled and diced
2 yellow onions, diced
Olive oil
1 teaspoon dried thyme
3/4 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons marsala
4 cups vegetable broth
pinch of cayenne
1/4th teaspoon nutmeg
4 ounces goat cheese


Get a tablespoon and one teaspoon of olive oil in a skillet and heat on medium. Throw in your onions and thyme and about a fourth teaspoon of salt and caramelize, stirring frequently and covering alternately for about 20 minutes. (the recipe does say to add 2 tablespoons of water when the onions just begin to brown to get this process going). Meanwhile, heat two cups of water in a pot and bring to boil. Add potato and cover, cooking 12-15 minutes or until soft. It was somewhere in here that I realized I wanted more fat in this soup and threw a couple teaspoons of butter in the pan with the onions. This is because I misread the original recipe, which does call for more butter later. Whatever, it came out fucking great. When  your onions are caramelized, add marsala and heavy cream and remove from heat. By now your potatoes should be about done. Add the onion mixture to your potato pot along with the vegetable broth, goat cheese and about two tablespoons of butter. Bring back to simmer, add all that spinach, cayenne, more salt if you want and nutmeg and cover for about 5 minutes to wilt the spinach but not cook it too much. Then remove from heat and use a blender or food processor or whatever you want to puree the whole thing. Enjoy!

Shit, I thought I had a picture but I just sat down and pigged out apparently… Sorry. this is a photo of the original recipe. They garnished with a toasted baguette round and more goat cheese, but I didn’t do that because bite plate.


an oldie but goodie

I wrote this some time ago, but as I am trying to resurrect my muse it’s nice to go back through things I’ve written. Especially old things, because the wound is healed and I can appreciate it for what it is, rather than hating it for what it’s not…

missing you

your absence is substantial
physical and
not absence
negative space defining
tracing a place that is you and


aglio e olio & amore

I started my weekend so hungover that I didn’t think I would get anything done, and yet I made some more progress on my client’s Hollywood film strip wall (forgot to take a picture of the latest logo), finished a personal piece of art, and (co)made a fabulous dinner last night!

Let me back up and assure you that I didn’t deserve to be as hungover as I was. I really didn’t drink a whole lot (for me), I ate plenty of food (as if there’s ever any doubt of that), and drank a lot of water (again, for me)… So what the heck went wrong? I was practically bed ridden the next day! I mean, WTF? Is this because I’m almost 30? Is this the beginning of the end?

Don’t answer that…

So this is called “Love Potion,” I decided this morning. And just for fun, I actually have a recipe, which ties into some of the concepts and imagery I have in the piece.

-a dream wrapped in old newspaper
-countless wine soaked memories
-a real fake engagement ring
-a pinch of heartstrings
-pearls of orgasm, to taste

directions: mix gently with your eyes closed, until bubbling, bursting and fragrant…always seal with a kiss.

How cute, right? I amuse myself, haha! I actually really like this painting, even if parts of it are awkward and messy. I’m awkward and messy. More and more I find myself looking for areas of imperfection, or where I can see paint built up or smudged or something. It tells a story, sometimes coinciding with the theme of the piece itself — when I’m lucky. And in this case, I think I was.

And now for a REAL recipe! Baby and I make this all the time. It is the simplest, tastiest dinner and I canNOT get enough, ever. Adapted from a Barefoot Contessa recipe, which I’m ashamed to admit but damn that bitch makes some good food.

Aglio e Olio with Angel Hair


1 lb dried angel hair pasta (or whatever you want. it’s all the same.)
8-10 cloves of garlic (depending on size…I always add more if I have those stupid skinny cloves.)
1/3 cup olive oil (your favorite…Ina calls for ‘good’ stuff, but she says that about everything. it’s basically your main flavor though, so not Kroger brand would be my suggestion.)
1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes (less if you don’t like spicy — like 1/4 would be better if you’re worried about it)
1/2 cup fresh parsley, minced
1 cup grated parmesan (plus more, because cheese) (yes that’s the end of that statement)
wine, if you have it
SALT (seriously)


So get your water going early for the pasta, because you need reserved pasta water for the “sauce” in this. Add two tablespoons of salt (I know. trust me.) and bring to boil, cook noodles to package instructions, yada yada. You get this part. The point is, before you strain the pasta and set it aside, you need 1 1/2 cups of that pasta water. Now, while this is going on, my husband likes to add the olive oil to a skillet with the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook it on low while we make the pasta. We think it brings out the garlicky flavor more in the oil. Who knows. Then when it gets to the point that you’re almost done with the pasta, we raise the heat on the skillet and cook the garlic until it’s just starting to get golden. Do not burn the garlic. It will be sad for everyone. Then add the pasta water and a little wine if you have it (this isn’t traditional, just something I do because I like wine. surprise.) Also add a teaspoon of salt (not a low sodium dish). Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and let it reduce by a third. I have a terrible eye for this reducing business, so I usually just call it good when I am too hungry for the simmering to go on any longer. Add your pasta, parsley and parmesan, tossing it all together. You want the pasta well coated with a little of everything. To serve, top it with some more parm and parsley.


(Have you guys noticed that the only recipes I put up are some variation of pasta and cheese…?)