some kind of madness

Dear Coleymojo,

I’m sorry it has taken me 20 years to write you…but I only just now realized. Today is the worst day of your life. I don’t know how to sugarcoat it for you…but think of it this way. It’s over. You did it. And I can promise you that you live to be 29 at least (I know how much you worry about dying), so there’s that. Unfortunately a lot of bad things will continue to happen to you, and all around you, and you will have many, many more bad days. But this is the very most anyone or anything can ever hurt you again. It will take you 20 years to heal from it, and the scar may be there forever. But it’s true what they say. In time, it will get better.

So here’s the hard part. No, she doesn’t love you like you love her. No, you won’t be together forever. And all of the dreams that you two shared, yes, she took them with her. Neither of you will end up where you expect, but she will come close. Closer than you. But I’m not telling you any of this to hurt you — no one knows better than I do just how much hearing that hurts. But it’s true. And you know what?

It’s okay.

Reread that a thousand times if you need to, because it’s 100% true. You two always had different paths and this was the first big step in your new direction. So you have a choice. You can watch her and hers every step of the way and get jealous, bitter, and resentful…from now until whenever it takes you to stop caring — and it WILL happen, so discreetly one day that you won’t even be able to pinpoint when. Or you can believe me right now when I say that you, Coleymojo…you. are. amazing. all on your own and you don’t need her. You don’t need to care one little bit about what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with, where she goes, what she does…nothing. What you two had and shared was very special, and everyone knew it. But YOU were exactly 1/2 of what made that relationship so special. It wasn’t just Ranma.

Look, you two may have a lot in common, but that doesn’t make you the same. Don’t think for one more day that you have to be like her, or anyone else for that matter. And when it seems like things are so much easier for her and for others, know that you’re right. It is. You were dealt a rough hand, and you get through it and you make it out ahead, girl, by leaps and bounds. And your future self is so loved and admired by so many people. But you won’t believe any of them if you can’t let her go.

I know you’re lonely — but there are people you haven’t met yet who will fill your heart up again. I know you’re afraid that you will never be able to do the things you girls planned together on your own. Well, you could if you wanted to, but you will change your mind a million times about just what you want to do in life and at some point you will realize what I’m beginning to…that life isn’t really about those big, important moments that are awarded trophies and accolades and applause. It’s a lot of quiet, private things that will make you happy one day…just like you had with her, but bigger and better and for REAL.

For real, for real. I know how you need to hear that.

I love you. A lot of people do. More and more will come to you when others leave. Sometimes you will leave them. But right now you are learning how the process works for the first time, and you won’t like to hear this, but you don’t know everything. Listen to them.

Listen to me.


Coleymojo 2.0