Weekend Update

I was super duper productive. The only creative endeavor I didn’t undertake was writing, which I guess I’m doing now, so yeah. But I do have a novel idea! One that doesn’t seem like hypomanic psychobabble, so yay me!

Okay, first of all I decorated Christmas cookies for the first time in a friend’s class. I love them so much — even the ones that suck! I was able to get out of my head and risk being imperfect, and I wasn’t socially awkward for once. Major successes! Plus, COOKIES. Come on!

I also started on my Christmas presents to everyone — these cute little Pinterest faceless elves made of polymer clay.

I shall paint them and name them Squishy and they shall be my Squishy. I was super stressed about an affordable, unique and homemade gift for the million people I know…and then these little dudes came along! Happy days.

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I also did a weird doodle. Several, but this is the one that made the cut.

If you can’t tell, I like to either keep busy or sleep. There is almost no in between. But I am a person who can keep busy wondering about whether or not there’s a secret world in deep ocean water. Or maybe it leads to deep space, like a wormhole. Or heaven, since we are all made mostly of water and that seems to make some kind of spiritual sense.

Yeah, you see?

the mind churns

This is the result of having a song stuck in my head and a diagnosis stuck in my heart. Bipolar II. I’m still hesitant to accept it, but apparently even my doubt is a potential symptom.

I’m not exactly upset. This is just an unexpected answer to a very old question… What’s wrong with me?

In this piece, I really wanted to “talk” about my disorder. There’s a melancholy figure in gray surrounded by rough black squiggles. A depressive state. But there’s also color — blue, yellow, purple. That is how I’ve come to realize other people feel when they are sad, or upset, or thoughtful. But my disorder means that sometimes I go too far, into this ugly dark world.

The song? “Without You” from Rent. One of my favorite moments in the song goes, “…but I know blue. Only blue. Lonely blue. Within me, blue. Without you.”

I started wondering, do I know blue? Or is what I know only that dark place without color? I say it’s blue but who knows where my mind is really at? This sort of thinking led to the color in the hair of the figure. Maybe that symbolizes all the confusion, which is so far the hardest part of this healing process.

So there you have it. Acrylic, pastels, and Sharpie paint pens on canvas…